Men, genes and disasters

We all have a bad day sometimes and I’m having one right this moment. It’s probably just the rainy weather and my period kicking in, but today I feel like I’m nothing more than a clump of cells, a combination of genes, and a machinery of hormones trying to make it all work. It makes me sad to know that my neutrons, electrons and proteins are just the same as everyone else. Don’t we all want to feel special every now and then? Reality is that we are all, in fact, nothing more than a collection of cells and genes, with hormones running full hours to keep them functioning. But we shouldn’t led that fact get us down, we should embrace it! Genes give us life, create proteins that build our bodies, and release hormones. And if it wasn’t for hormones we wouldn’t be able to sleep, feel happy, get hungry, digest food, absorb nutrients, and take a dump the next day. Just to mention a few examples.

But I also strongly believe that genes and hormones can work against us, and that they might be the main drivers of the chaos that we have created on this planet. It starts with the selfish gene, as Richard Dawkins describes it. He pretty much states that we are nothing but machineries designed to pass on genes to the next generation. Because it takes sex to keep genes going, we produce hormones that make us all behave like desperate, horny beasts. Men are programmed to spread their sperm generously because they produce endless supplies and suffer few consequences, whereas woman are rather picky on who to share their eggs with, as only a limited amount is produced and lots of energy is required. It’s only fair that ladies try to keep them legs closed until they find a suitable sperm donor that is willing to stick around for the next 15 years, which is about the time it takes to raise a child to independency. It would surely take some load of our shoulders.

In the animal kingdom, genes normally don’t require that much time and dedicated effort to be passed on. Most animals let go of their sprout from the day they are born or after no more than a year, after which the parents shamelessly continue humping around to produce yet another generation. When less time and energy is invested in care-taking, parents have the luxury to pick bed partners not based on parental quality, but rather on their genetic toolkit. It has been proven that some animals can sniff out potential mates that are genetically distinct and fit enough, and it seems that the ladies always prefer boys with the crazy genes.

Other animals can’t pick up another’s genetic assemblage that easily, so they tend to make males work hard to prove that they hold the very best sperm. This so-called sexual selection has pushed some males in the animal kingdom so far that they can hardly support their antlers, extensive feathers, or other traits that turn the ladies on. In some cases, such accessories substantially decrease the fitness of the appealing males, by making them more vulnerable to predation or starvation for instance. Some males will even fight till death to proof ladies their worth. Because even if you die young, as long as you got lucky it’s worth it right?

Realizing this, the behaviour of men around me makes total sense. Men have genes, which are selfish, and demand to be passed on. Sleep-overs are the only way to achieve this, which is the reason why men act so desperate to get our attention (evolution hasn’t yet caught up with condoms). Desperate acts for affection, however, rarely work to convince a lady to spend the night together, as only few of us accept the pity card and take one for the team. For one night perhaps, but for actual reproduction we rather choose a man who is confident, successful, strong and does shit for us that we are capable, but not willing, of doing ourselves.

Now, the problem is that some men have mistaken the ladies’ need for good genes with the need for domination. These men use brutal force, power, or money as a means to spread more genes, sometimes against the will of the ladies involved. The modern trend seems to be that wealthy, instead of genetically suitable, men get to reproduce, as the need for money now outweighs the need for protection against bears and the provision of food. Mr McCartney seems to have gotten it all wrong; money does buy you love. And ever since women started to like men that focus on power and money, instead of sexy bodies and parental skills, we have ruined our planet with fast cars, bulldozers, and guns. The disasters we see around us are all the fault of men, dominant genes, female hormones and erections; it’s that simple.

This trend has also obscured the purpose of evolution, as some men with completely unsuitable genes get to reproduce excessively; Donald Trump being a good example. As a result, genetic deterioration has occurred in modern human societies. And that weak men get to spread sperm isn’t doing us a favour. Nowadays, some people can only see through thick glasses, chew on food after years of braces, and face the light of day with severe sunblock. And in all honesty, I too have to maintain myself with allergy medication, sleeping pills, and steroid cream to hold my skin together. I think it’s the genetic deterioration.

I can blame my ancestors for being careless with their egg cells, but if I take a good look around or open any newspaper, they surely must have judged better than my generation. Perhaps it’s time that us ladies get together and fight the selfish genes that drive some men to be so sexually desperate, obsessively materialistic and socially obnoxious (I shall call this “the Trump syndrome”). We should do research to proof that money doesn’t relate to strong genes at all, and that we could rather focus on getting good jobs ourselves. Following, we solely have to spend our energy on handsome man with lots of brain cells that do nice things for us. If we all embrace contraception until (and if) we find the perfect sperm donor, this world could be a better place.